cried again last night.

 

 

fucking eye bags. 

random thoughts

here i go.

 

im so lonely now.  kakatapos ko lang umiyak. first time that i cried in my new relationship. i feel so tired from work today, had a 3-hour meeting early this morning and when i got back to the office, there are still lots of work to be done. i miss him at gusto ko at magkwento man lang sa kanya para malawa naman yung pagod ko. i like talking to him, he always makes me happy. but today, he's just not there. so i felt alone. until now, hindi ko alam bakit sha nagalit. i went out last night with some hs friends. he texted me that he's sleeping early kasi puyat sha. i didnt really intend to text him, the fact that i know he's already sleeping, so sabi ko sa sarili ko, text ko na lang sha kapag nasa bahay na ako (like what we always do). i kept my phone inside my bag after he said that hes sleeping. hindi ko alam, nag text at marami na pala shang missed calls. i texted him when i was on my way home and texted him again after reaching home. hindi na sha nagtext till the next day, kung hindi ko pa kukulitin kung anong problema. hindi nya rin ako pinansin sa YM at gmail. wow sabi ko sa sarili ko. hindi ako sanay sa ganto. usually kasi sa mga guys, they tell you when theyre mad. babae ang may nature na hindi nagpaparamdam. i guess ganito talaga sha. it isnt the 1st time he did this to me. 

but i dont hate you for this. this is what you do to me and im hurt and sad. but its ok, iniisip ko na lang, maybe u were just worried. i dont know. i just wish you could tell me right away. ayoko rin magalit dahil nagagalit ka. fuck i cant believe im showing this to the world.

again ayoko pa rin mag expect sayo, kaya nga im happy kahit ano pa yung gawin or sabihin mo sakin. eh ganon talaga eh. thats how you are. lahat naman tayo may imperfections and mistakes. pero bakit yung ibang tao ang bilis mag give up? konting away lang,feeling nila nagunaw na ang mundo tapos ang iniisip na lang eh yung mga negative aspects nung partners nila. and then they will say fed na sila, na pagod na sila. attitude ko rin yan dati. mabilis ako mainis. matagal ako magpatawad. matagal mawala yung galit ko, hanggang sa wala na. ayoko na. tapos pag nawala na sha, saka ko maiisip, shet ang tanga ako. nag focus lang ako sa imperfections nya, eh ako rin naman nagkakamali. na realize ko, mas marami kaming happy moments, mas marami shang nagawang maganda para sakin or para sa amin. sana lahat ng tao appreciative at sensitive enough para maramdaman yung nararamdaman ng mga tao sa paligid nila. kung ganyan siguro, lahat ng tao masaya :) pero bakit ko ba sinasabi to? ahh kasi ngayon malinaw na sa akin. shet! oh my god! ive grown up! hindi naman ako ganito mag isip dati eh! wow! natuto na nga ako from my past experiences. wow thank god. akala ko hindi na ako ever matuto eh. 

anyway i love him just enough. ewan ko ba, but i really have this big faith in him. basta, i know there's something in him. something really good. im not saying hes a bad guy :P but u know, there is SOMETHING :) sana hindi ako mali. sana one day, makita ko yun. kahit dumating sa panget na point na wala na kami. id be really happy for him.  

i just miss him. naalala ko pa, very supportive sha sakin, sa work, sa lahat. he listens to every stupid story i have hehe. hinahatid pa nya ako noon dito mismo sa bahay namin kahit pagod na sha. tapos may one time rin na sobrang umuulan tapos kailangan ko mag take home work, tapos nag offer sha na sa kanila ko na lang ituloy yung work ko, tapos umuwi muna ako to get some clothes, tapos wala kaming makuhang taxi papunta makati. grabe i was giving up, tapos nagulat na lang ako, on the way na daw sha. shet sunundo nya ako?! wow i love him! haha. that one i really really appreciate. tapos nung valentines, hay galit pa ako sa valentines noon eh (hehe bitter) pero he gave me 2 surprises. nagpa deliver sha ng separate roses sa 2 offices ko.yiheee kilig ako :) so natuwa na ulit ako sa valentines (haha baliw). tapos nung bday ko, gumawa sha ng version nya ng Ever After, yan top 1 ko yata yan. my best bday present ever! yan. konti pa lang yan sa mga nagawa nya for me. so wala talagang reason para mainis ako. what we are having now is normal at sabi nga nila, lilipas rin.

anyway im ending this na. ang sakit na ng mga kamay ko. halos buong araw na akong nakaharap sa pc.

sana hindi na sha galit. 

 

 

 

hayup may wysiwyg na ang tripod haha.

 

anyway you bitches, here's my new home. 

PMS season

I'm sooo thankful there are blogs. It's the next best place to rant when girl friends are too busy, you're all alone at work, or you simply opt to rant through writing and then swear endlessly just inside your mind. I like doing that.

The thing about my work is that...it's simple but tedious. It needs a great amount of patience, knowledge, patience again, and organizing skills. Add another ton of those when PMS starts to say hi and you get a great, great, GREAT job in the whole wide world.

%#@%$^&$@%.

There, I said it.

I'm so fuckin' braindead and so fuckin' tired of meetings. And I'm fat :))

"We're not gonna pay rent"
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: RENT OST: Without you
I've watched the film on DVD 5 times now...and still counting.

I wasn't able to see the play when they did it here in Manila and I didn't know the whole story. But I did kind of have an idea of what it's about. All I know was I had this feeling from back in high school that I really wanted to see it.

Mimi and Maureen rock!
Angel is truly an angel :)
Mark's a goddamn martyr :)) but his documentary was great - reminds me of Leleina Pierce's work in Reality Bites
and Joanne, oh Joanne, you're my lesbian idol, haha.

Oh how I love musicals! I miss "Miss Saigon" too (sobs).

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret or
life is yours to miss.

No other road,
no other way
NO DAY BUT TODAY.

THANK YOU, JONATHAN LARSON.
You so affect my life.